What is the responsible way to drive with a cat? Should the cat even travel or is removing a cat from their home a sin? But if the cat must come along, what is the best way?

Why can’t the cat, who is so brilliant at finding comfort anywhere, find comfort in a moving vehicle? Maybe the cat is screaming because she can see into the future, her death in a car crash?

Should the cat be allowed to roam free and find the best spot herself? What happens in a wreck? I hope she’ll be in my lap and I can cradle her from the air bag. No, that’s a bad idea, it would crush her. And what if I’m not quick enough? Crashes happen too fast. And I need to keep my hands on the steering wheel?

I’m blessed she doesn’t take her anger out on me. She likes the air conditioner so I hold her there. Battle to keep her from going into my feet. Her claws grip into my leg skin when I brake. Please don’t attack me. Our lives depend on it.

What about one of those soft crates? She can hardly fit inside. She can’t sit up or turn her body around. She pants when she’s trapped in there. What if she pants to death? It would squish her in a wreck anyway. What about one of those bigger dog crates? Plastic. She’d be able turn around and sit up. I might get her one of those. But should she leave the house?

I’m driving back home to Mississippi on this busy San Diego freeway with dumb aggressive cars speeding all around. She caws, maows!, caws, and digs into my legs. I smell her ass my in face. She pisses all around my mouth and into my eyes. I swerve and scream. Then warm poop on my lap. The poo-poo! I can’t pull over in this traffic. I change lane by lane with piss burning my eyes and the cat Sylvia relieved. We stop at Wal-Mart. I buy some new dri-fit clothes for the 23 hour drive home and throw away my soiled self in the parking lot.